Cranky Guy Coming Thru

ImageWhadda Ya Mean, Cranky?

OK.  Look.  Don’t get in my way today.  I don’t care what you’re doing, thinking, caring about.  I am internalizing all of my cranky thoughts and there’s a storm a’brewin’.  I’d step back behind the red line if I were you, buddy.

That’s right.  I’m a big Horned Toad.  I’m mean, grumpy, and if you try to bother me, you’re going to find out what the word spiky means.  Or prickly.  I don’t care what word you use.

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Porcupine: The Meaning of Prickly

I just can’t seem to help myself.  Why do I find porcupines so cute?  Just try getting close enough to one of them for a petting and you’ll be very, very sorry.  Not just the quills in your hand, but the blood you’ll lose getting the quills out of your flesh — not to mention the ferocious infection that follows.  Hope you have plenty of chewable antibiotics.

See, that’s the thing about a porcupine.  Innocuous.  Gentle creatures that use quills to keep everything that finds it tasty at a distance.  My kind of pet.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m just a frazzle of nerves today.  There’s no center in the center, no there there.

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 Hissy Fit 101: How To Hiss Effectively

I have a cat and I know from experience how a cat can be… difficult.  Not quite as difficult as I am today, however.  They’re amateurs compared to me.  I’m ready to hiss, bite and claw my way out of this angry mood if I have to take out every one of you mice.  It would be my pleasure.

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 Grumpy Cat: The Ultimate Power in the Universe

You can’t rule your evil empire without focusing your anger.  As Yoda says, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.  Wise words but today, who the hell cares.  I’m more on the Empire’s side today.  Like, Darth Whatever or Something.  And today I must learn to control the Grumpy Force again.

Yes, this has happened many times.  I recognize how I feel, the damage I could do with my Grumpy attitude and the meanness that flows through my thinking.  It’s time to take this attitude and call the police.

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 Yes, Officer, That’s Him

So it’s time Mr. Bad Attitude was put behind bars.  Oh, eventually, they’ll release him again.  But only when Mr. Attitude is safely behind bars are we able to get through the day without worrying about our demise.  We can’t go around maiming and torturing people, now, can we?

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 That’s Right, We’re Watching You, Buddy

We’ve got to keep on the lookout for a bad attitude.  It does far more than cause you temporary inconvenience; it makes your friends cringe, your workmates uncomfortable and family steer clear of you.  Not pretty.  Everyone you come into contact with senses your anger and treats you accordingly.  You don’t have to announce how you feel; everyone knows it and will either confront you or get out of the way.

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 Now I REALLY Have My Eye On You

Bad Kitty.  Bad Kitty Mr. Attitude is under cell watch.  We’ve got to be sure he doesn’t do anything rash, like scratch up the other inmates or fling food at the guards.  So we watch him closely to be sure he’s calming down and if he isn’t, then it’s solitary confinement for him for the foreseeable future.

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 Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen

So, Bad Kitty is in lockdown.  He’s going to get bread and water until he finally changes that nasty attitude and becomes a little more cooperative.  If not, he stays in the cooler.

When Bad Kitty finally can change his mood, he’s going free.  And that’s exactly what happens to me: when my bad attitude rears its ugly head, I make sure that I take steps to get away from it as fast as possible,  It’s hard sometimes.  You have to determine so many factors as to why your’re angry and whether or not that anger is constructive.  Frankly, I don’t know of a time when anger was constructive.

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Oh, Ms. Angelou, It Can’t Be That Easy

Well, actually, it’s hard, yes, but you can do it.  If I can do it then you can do it because sometimes I feel that I just can’t do it — and then I do it.  [OK, there’s a sentence being mangled if ever there was one.]

To change an attitude, whether it be anger or some other equally dangerous mood (like the ferocious need to eat something sugary), you must first visualize what attitude you want to have, and that means going over Radical Acceptance yet again.

One of the five basic ideas of Radical Acceptance is You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance over and over and over again.

Wow.  Lots of work when you certainly don’t feel like accepting anything.

By turning away from anger and moving toward acceptance of whatever it was that made you angry, you’re doing yourself and everyone else a great big favor.  For you it means moving from the whirlwind that is anger to a more thoughtful and clear mode of thinking.  For others it changes the way they see and interact with you, which leads to better relationships, better work, better everything.

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 Take Winston’s Advice or You’ll Be Sorry

As Yoda said, hate leads to suffering.  And let’s face it, you hate being angry.  That anger leads you inexorably to suffering and why suffer when you can win and defeat your anger?

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I Am A Happy Cat And I Shall Be Happy

Want to be happy?  Really happy?  Stop yourself from anger and learn how to be happy.

I’m learning it.  Today, well, it’s tough.  Still a little bit cranky.  But I know there’s hope on the horizon [insert your own hopeful phrase here].  Whatever it takes, do it.  What is there to lose except all your internal stress, your headache and your pout?

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