Hey, Snow White, Eat This


What Can You Do If You Suck?

When one sucks, what can one do?  There are many schools of thought on this but for the most part they all say the same thing: stop sucking.

And how, one may ask, does one stop sucking?  From all my anti-sucking research, it’s no simple task and many people cannot stop totally sucking.  They suck.  They can’t help it.

ImageAs a person that sometimes considers himself to really suck, I’ve been doing everything I can in order to change that.  There are many levels of sucking, just as there are many levels to being totally great and not sucking.  It’s all in what you believe about yourself.  If you believe you suck, you do.  If you believe you’re super great, then you are.


Penguins Don’t Care If You Suck Or Not

Most penguins don’t really care about much except for chicks, fish and a good huddle.  They really don’t care if you suck because, well, they don’t really know you and you’re not down in Antarctica knocking on their door to invite them to a fishy pot-luck supper..  They don’t need to know about your problems, how you hate the neighborhood where your iceberg sits, how there are too many gangs of sea lions roaming around.  They have their own problems and you, good sir, are not one of them.


If Dodos Were Here They Wouldn’t Care Either

Let’s face it — if dodos were still around, they’d really be pretty busy dealing with nasty ground dwelling carnivores rather than begin forced to deal with your emotional turmoil.  They wouldn’t really understand much about your problems anyway because dude, they’re dodo.  Totally dodo.


Do You Really Believe This Emu Cares About You?

That’s the funny thing about emu.  They might care if you had some food in your hand.  If you were holding a bag of goodies, an emu may even lie about how much they care about your problems just to get their beaks on your swag.


Muscle Squirrel Says Shut Up Dude

Oh, yeah, right, like you’re going to unload all your cares and woes on a squirrel that can bench press 400 pounds.  Get real.  Unless you’re throwing nuts at him like a scared little girl, he’s much more interested in his next protein shake and that squirrel girl on the treadmill.  The one over there in the blue and white.  With the pink iPod.


Let’s See Just How Much You Suck

OK, so, it looks like, at least among the animal kingdom, there’s a total lack of care regarding just how much I suck.  I admit it, and I admit I need a lot of help to overcome the idea that, yes, I suck totally.

But what about people?  Do people think I suck?  Do people care at all whether or not I suck and if they do believe I do, then how much sucking is all right?  And if I don’t suck, then why won’t anyone tell me that I don’t suck and that I’m super-duper awesome?


Just Eat One Of These And You Won’t Suck Anymore

Do you have any idea how many evil villains you come across each day?  Why, just go out in the magic kingdom and you’ll find out.  If it’s not Maleficent, it’s Cruella De Vil.  Or Jafar, or Skar.  It’s fairly certain there’s a million of them.  Not only do they completely not care about you, they’re happy to hand you a poisoned apple or steal the coat from a puppy.  They not only don’t like you, they actually despise you because they despise themselves.

Complicated, but what good villain isn’t.

Sometimes people are more a fright than a help.  If you want help you don’t go to the witches’ castle.  You go and find someone that is a caring, helpful person.  Not easy to find.  When you’re uncomfortable talking to people it makes the task that much harder and perhaps you’d rather not sally forth to find them.

But you must.  You absolutely must.


What’s A Good Conscience Worth These Days?

It’s not about money.  To quote a great song by Annie Lenox, Money Can’t Buy It.

But what’s the cost if you don’t strive to be wonderful?  I think that cost is incalculable.  But it’s not cheap.  Besides, who makes the decision what is truly wonderful for you?  Who decides what is best, most important, most beneficial?

It’s you.  You and you alone.  Everyone else on the planet can think you suck but nothing could be further from the truth — if you know that you’re freakin’ awesome.

And knowing you’re freakin’ awesome is your decision to make because once you make the decision, you’ll be freakin’ AWESOME.  When you are empowered it is impossible to suck.


So the Evil Queen Maleficent wants to hand you a gift.  But be warned: if you take that gift into your hands, you’re responsible for what happens next.  And ask Snow White how that worked out.  It took Prince Charming to release her from that spell.  And just what are the chances you’ll find Prince Charming available to take care of your problem?

Got some news.  Prince Charming doesn’t care about you.  He’s married now.  You blew your chances with his caring about you a long, long time ago.

But you had like a zillion dwarfs that cared about you long before you started looking for Prince Charming.  And they thought you were freakin’ awesome.  Why don’t you think so?


It’s A Simple Choice

You can let life be a nuclear bomb or you can work toward making life an enchanted forest.  Just take a couple of minutes to make that important decision.  Bomb, bad.  Garden, good.  Pretty easy solution, right?

Do you think so?

Actually, how much harder is it to till your garden, to keep it healthy, watered, weeded, cultivated and happy?  It’s a lot of work and it shows that you care.  And you had better think about how tending your garden is the most important single thing you can do because the other choice is pretty nasty.

Bombs?  Bobs say you don’t care.  You lob an emotional bomb into your garden and you’re just as bad you think everyone else is.  You’re careless.  You’re destructive, not constructive.  you’re not being awesome.  And hating yourself, negative and distorted thinking — these are atomic bombs to your emotional well-being.


Good Words, Better Life, Great Results

Self-care is self-esteem, and that’s what we’re talking about here.  There are so many obstacles to being a self-loving person that it seems almost impossible at times.  When you’re bipolar or have some other mental illness, self-love and self-care become a major goal because without them you’re never going to be whole, never going to heal, never going to be freakin’ awesome.  And that’s what we must believe of ourselves.


So What If People Think You’re A Bag Of Mixed Nuts?

You can’t control what people think.  I tried to do that many times and it never, ever worked.  It was an impossible task to keep myself healthy when all I seemed to do was be negatively and unreasonably concerned about what other people thought of me or felt about me.

It is most important to find people that care about you rather than hand you poison.  And they are out there.

Finally, I rarely swear in this blog of mine, but here goes:


Sometimes A Single Word Sums It Up

Frankly, I don’t think there’s a better, more descriptive word than f@#k in the entirety of the English language and let me tell you, I’m a big fan.  I’d consider this list rather carefully if you are on the awesome track to happiness.  It’s a f@#kn great list.


It’s time to follow the instructions on the list.  Time to let it go.  Time to make a real difference in life and just give up caring about those that do not care about you.  Got that, Maleficent?

It’s a dead end to spend your time and energies on others unless you are acting out of love and your care about them is deserved.  Why waste your time on evil witches with poisoned apples?



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