I Totally Swear


There’s A Method To This, You Know

When I wake up it’s in one of two moods: I’m okay, or I’m not.  This is an illustration of how it is when I wake up and I’m not okay.

Graphic, but meaningful.  And telling.

I’m doing my best not to worry about the negative things in life, and most of us do the same.  But worry isn’t just one state of mind, it involves virtually every possible emotion and there’s a good reason: worry is projection.  You are inventing and projecting possibilities into the future.  You’re putting a negative spin on them as well.  And that means you have focused on something that isn’t real, may never happen, is probably not the case and you’re wasting all your energies on a fantasy.

Not a very nice fantasy, I’m afraid.  When I’m worried, when I can’t control it (for example, when I sleep and dream), I expend a lot of energy in a fevered pitch.  I dream about all the worst possibilities, all the worst outcomes.  I dream that I am out of control; I can’t stop the fall from the cliff.  I can’t dodge the bullet from the gun.  I can’t prevent the accident from happening.

During the day when I’m supposedly conscious, I exert my effort to stop that thinking if I can.  But when I’m asleep I truly have no control over what I experience, so when that out-of-control thing happens, I inevitably wake up in a really, really bad mood.  And when I’m in a really, really bad mood, I swear.  Bad habit, I know, but it’s a thing that I cannot help.  Swearing, like poetry, music and beautiful prose, is a form of expression.  The art of negative interjection.


So, I wake up and the language coming from my room is like seventeen sailors all griping about swabbing the deck.  It’s sometimes played out on in my head, too, but not as often.  There’s something much more satisfying in letting a stream of offensive garbage out of your head and into the ether.  It’s just . . . better.  And once it’s done, I realize that I don’t necessarily believe it’s satisfying; I think it’s a nuisance.  I’d rather wake up with that ‘Oh, what a beautiful morning’ sort of feeling but more often than not, it ain’t happening.

Anyone can find something to complain about.  It’s a pastime much loved.  But there’s something horrific about being asleep, dreaming of this negative stuff and then waking to find you’re doing it — you’re already swearing before you’re even awake.


Well, Some People Rather Like It

Anyone that remembers School House Rock’s episode on interjections would know that it can be anything, anything at all; examples:  Wow!  Great!  Wonderful!  Fabulous!  Those are all really nice words, all positive, and all followed by out friend the exclamation point.  You know, the punctuation that describes the force of an interjection.

What School House Rock did not cover in that episode were interjections that end in a negative.

For example:  Wow.  Great.  Wonderful.  Fabulous.  All nice words, all with a negative and quieter emphasis brought about by using the most common of punctuation marks, the period (.).  Suddenly all those words, well, they’re not very nice, they’re kind of — mean.

Each and every swear word (use one of your choice) does exactly the same thing.  You see, it’s the punctuation that matters most.  In this fashion, almost any word can perform as a swear word, any word at all.  It’s the attitude and the punctuation.

So when I awaken with a head full of negative garbage to spew, those spewings never get to have exclamation, just resignation.  And I think that says everything about how much I hate losing control, whether it’s control over my life, my dreams, my fears.



One of the more important tasks in therapy is to learn to think positively.  Now, waking up and swearing your head off isn’t exactly a study in positive thinking as a rule.  But nowadays I have to practice being positive every moment I’m awake.  And that could be the reason I let go and have all this negative crap happen in my dreams.

I used to have wonderful dreams, but I was really messed up at the time.

I’m gradually becoming happier, I guess, certainly happier than I used to be.  And if swearing in the morning because I’m up and awake again is the price for a little more happiness, then I guess I should be happy to pay.


Sometimes It Can Happen To The Nicest People

No matter the reason, we all need the expression of interjection in our lives.  Swearing is a pressure release valve, it’s something that vents frustration, anger or disappointment — even sarcasm — and gives you just a little relief that at least you have expressed the unexpressed.

So don’t think for a minute that Beaver Cleaver’s mother June didn’t let loose with a few choice words when her husband Ward had a car accident.  Or when she burned her pot roast.  Oh, wait, bad example, nothing like that would ever happen in the Cleaver home.  Well, then, how about Richie and Joanie Cunningham’s mom?  She’s a better bet, I think.  She’s got some chutzpah, at least, and when you want to let loose with a good ol’ swear fest it’s best that you’re able to handle it.  Really, those are uncouth words, and June Cleaver would never approve of your using them.



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