Magical Thinking

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[Back in late 2011, I wrote and self-published a book of poetry and observation called Devolving in Eden.  It was a cathartic experience and one that I will repeat after some time has passed, since it’s quite a labor of love.  At the time, I was in the throes of depression and anxiety and the poetry certainly reflects that quite well.  But one thing I did was to create a wish list where every item is preceded by the words, I would like.

After almost two years of intense self-evaluation and endless work to move away from that anxiety and depression, nothing on the list has changed.  To me this means I chose the items on the list so carefully that they came from the bottom of my soul and will never change.  It’s one of the things I managed to truly and completely capture, and I’d like to share it with you.]

I WOULD LIKE . . .

I would like to be kissed — really, really, really kissed.

I would like to find someone who values an educated opinion.

I would like to find understanding in a human being.

I would like to bring happiness in an important, meaningful way.

I would like to give knowledge I have and accept knowledge I need.

I would like to find the positive and new within.

I would like to spend more time in beneficial contemplation.

I would like to ease pain.

I would like to forget myself and embrace the world.

I would like to allow myself to truly, completely heal.

I would like to make small changes that bring about real growth.

I would like to find a path toward forgiveness of myself and others.

I would like to exceed my limitations and then never limit myself again.

I would like to have someone believe and trust in me.

I would like to be given a well-deserved second chance.

I would like to know someone who isn’t afraid to be fun.

I would like to truly believe in goodness tempered by realism.

I would like to find one great friend and one last love.

[Thanks for reading to the end.  I hope you yourself share many of my wishes.  But a wish list is, after all, magical thinking: the reality is that we must make our way toward our wishes in order for anything to happen and as was famously said, be most careful what you wish for, you may get it.

Magical thinking isn’t something encouraged in therapy but I assure you it happens every day.  I wish for the people, places and things that will make a life meaningful; alas, it turns out that there is no fairy godmother, Harry Potter is not coming to the rescue and there is no lamp-rubbing in this story.  The real magic comes when you work toward what you want and not when someone else poofs up the solution.  Still, it’s nice to think about a little magic making life a fantastic dream but then, where’s the satisfaction in that?]

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